Can i not drive my cunt home
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize