it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
God I need to hump something, right now.
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