I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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