don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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