when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Randomize
