after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
