so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Randomize
