Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize
