I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
