i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
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She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
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Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar