i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
21 MILFs That Made The Boys Crazy
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.