so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants