Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
you win again, gameday.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.