How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"