i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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