I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Randomize
