checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
