i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
