i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
well you can't waste a boner
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
