i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
My vagina just recognized that song.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
