dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
