i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
