hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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