Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
