Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
