i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize