'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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