Need sex. Gaining weight.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
