My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Randomize
