So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
