You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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