Sober January is a disaster.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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