he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
