So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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