We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
