My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
