he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash