I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this