did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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