If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"