my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
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when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
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I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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