I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
