ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
