Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
