That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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