How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
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