Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
last night I used snow as a chaser
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
