Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
