I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
