Where did you get a picture of my penis
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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