So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
