why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
