I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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