glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
