OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
