Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
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