I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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