i don't plan on having that self control this summer
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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