"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
so much tequila, so little girl.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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