apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
