Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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