Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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