Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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