Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
