Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
