you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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