An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
