Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
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I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
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I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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