I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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