My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize
