I'm going to rape someone's good day.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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