My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
