If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
This is my gift to your gina
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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