is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
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