I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
