remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
