Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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