capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
