Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
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she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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